this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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