why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
