I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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