I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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