You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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