bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
