Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
