dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
