don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
