One girl and one boy is just not enough.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
