last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
