Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
