i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
