My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
