Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
