mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
