I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
