last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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