Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
