Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
