It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
