We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
