If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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