I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
