i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
