if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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