we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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