I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
