I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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