I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
