I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
