i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
