we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
