hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
