Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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