Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
