Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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