i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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