we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I AM VODKA MAN
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
