That's intense
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
