Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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