I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
