what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
