I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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