O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
