I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
