i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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