Don't you send me to vm
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
