remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
