one two three fourrrrnication!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
