I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
