You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
