I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
