where am i from again
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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