This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
