I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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