So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
