its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
