I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
