Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
