i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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